Guide for dummies: How to sink a boat in 8 easy steps

Step 1: Rent a boat and bring professional crew with you. Make sure they have at least four years of experience as skippers. The sea waters are shallow and you never know what can happen.

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Step 2:  Form a solid team, made of young men capable of facing bad weather and unexpected situations. Bring aboard only absolutely necessary stuff such as car keys, smart phones, internet sticks, expensive cameras, money, cards and watches.








Step 3: Find a beautiful, deserted beach, surrounded by vertical cliffs, which can be reached only by boat. Tell no one about this, even if you know it’s outside the area where you are allowed to take the boat. The sun is up, the water is perfect. Just enjoy the moment and ignore the waves that are getting bigger.

Step 4: After of few hours, continue to ignore the increasing waves and get everyone aboard. Bring all the necessary stuff mentioned before. Ready. The whole team is in place. Then you notice the big waves. One…two…three… and the boat is almost under the water. Oops, you might be in trouble.

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Step 5: The battery gets wet and the engine stops. Good thing you are near the shore. No need to panic. Just get everyone out of the boat and put all your floating gear on the sand. Don’t think about the broken car keys, smart phones, internet sticks, cameras, cards and watches. You’ll have time to worry about them and count the damage later. Now you have to focus on dragging the boat on the beach, where it’s safe.

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Step 6: If you are lucky and at least one smartphone is saved, search for network coverage and send an SOS to the boat owners, hoping they’ll come and save you. Meanwhile, do your best to keep the boat floating and anchor it by a cliff.

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Step 7: Thank God. The rescue team has arrived. But don’t think that old sailors are smarter then you. In less than three minutes they’ll manage to sink the boat you’ve fought so hard for. Yes, it can sink like the Titanic. You will have the opportunity to learn all the curses directly in the old sailors’ mother language. Then fight the waves to help them turn the boat upwards.

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Step 8: You won’t believe it, but you’ll make it. It will take you a couple of hours, but it’s worth the effort. By now you will have learned at least half of the curses. Ready. One rescue boat drags yours, whose engine is dead. Another carries your team and your soaked gear. It was fun, right? It’s so easy that even children can do it.


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Magda Munteanu